Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
