he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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