I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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