I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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