I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
