I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
