Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
