wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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