whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize