This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
