no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
