I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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