what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
