I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
