i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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