My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
