pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
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