Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
