Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
