Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Randomize
