I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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