Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
