I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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