so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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