I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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