the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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