It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
