dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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