my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
