Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
