how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We have started to decorate penises.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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