I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize