If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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