yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
