Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
