I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize