I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Too much gin, very little bucket
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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