youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
