You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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