If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
