I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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