I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
