there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
