Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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