Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
