Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
