dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
