This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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