I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
