This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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