I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
please come you make the beer taste better
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Randomize
