If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
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