Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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