wrigley field is MILF paradise
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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