No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
