I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This baby is an asshole
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
