i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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