i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
