dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
