the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
