I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
