The best revenge is premature balding
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
These tits shall not be calmed
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize