Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
