I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
