Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
