We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
