My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
