I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
operation have a gay friend backfired
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
