His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize