That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
