My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
